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HIGH GEAR

November, 1975

The Myth of the Fag Hag

by Leon Stevens

One's experience as a gay male exposes him to pansexual problematics which few heterosexuals are likely to consider. Many gay males are afforded a rare (to men) glimpse of the emotional disenfranchisement of the American woman. Gay-maleto-straight-female

interactions

almost universally disclose the tension between innate feminine spontaneity and its repression by artificial social constraints. The emergence of natural initiatives and self-formulating modes of expression is infrequent in our common social bartering. Many gay men enjoy socializing with straight women because it provides an opportunity for human interaction uncomplicated by sexuality, and cultural and sub-cultural conventions. In an asexual exchange of intimate ideas one's mind can be pleasureably ventilated.

Enlightened straight women tend to feel comfortable talking to good-willed gay men. When the threat of male aggression and exploitation is absent or at least vestigial, a woman feels free to disarm and communicate. She can glean a male perspective minus male impatience and suspicion.

Likewise, if a gay male feels convinced that a heterosexual woman understands his orientation, he can dissolve his armor and divulge impressions and emotions which he could not possibly relay to other comrades. Many gay men, whether politicized or not, struggle to contain and eliminate latent chauvinism, but

are somewhat intimidated by abrasive lesbian-feminist sentiments and feel more at ease with liberated straight women who seem to manifest less antagonism.

The label of "fag hag" has been thrust upon straight women friends of gay males by polar factions. Exclusively homosexual men, erroneously fearing that close relationships with straight women might somehow sabotage their predominantly gay amalgam, are contemptuous of such relationships. It is a standing and secret

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nightmare of many homosexuals who rate a seven or better on Kinsey's scale of sexuality, that some historical cataclysm might leave them high and dry as the only "real" homosexuals. Gay males who are illiterate on their own condition perceive bisexuality as an affront to their decision to live according to their own preference. To them, bisexuality is traitorious and fraternization with female heterosexuals signals defection and the first stages of "going straight."

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feel that their field of activity is limited enough as it is without competition from straight women who have a far wider and far freer "selection." Since they feel no need whatsoever to associate with women, some gay males tend to be archchauvinists and deem friendly women intruders bigoted domain.

their

"Fag hags" are denigrated by lesbians as well. The latter ac-

cuse the former of allowing themselves to be exploited by gay men to the extent that they serve as disguises for these men

in straight society. Lesbians resent the fact that straight women can enter many gay bars escorted by men, while they are barred from these same establishments. It is often thought that "fag hags" are closeted lesbians who are trying to capture a view of the female gay scene from a secure and uncompromising vantage point. Quite a few gay women doubt feel spited by women companions of gay males. They surmise (and sometimes rightfully) that their unenlightened sisters are attempting to "convert" their gay brothers to heterosexuality and in doing so, show that they are capable of satisfying men where other straight women have "failed." Phobia of bisexuality is as widespread among gay women as it is among gay males. Distrust of bisexuals is passed on to women befriending gay males.

Akin to the myth of the 'fag hag" is the tale of the "fish wife." The term "fish wife" pertains to a women (usually straight) who is legally married to a gay man. It happens infrequently that a gay male does not feel the compulsion to

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emerge from his closet until he has married and perhaps accumulated a family. In some instances the wife responds with outraged and bitterness. In others she is understanding. Quite a few women and their newly reborn gay husbands choose to continue their marriages for a number of reasons including shared interests, emotional. attachments, and simply no reason not to continue them. Other women elect to divorce in anticipation of conflicting life styles, but remain close to their former husbands. In any case, the spouse or former spouse fall victim to derogatory gay in-group nomenclature, more specifically, the tag "fish wife."

Both "fag hag" and "fish wife" are titles which have no place in the gay struggle for individual freedom. Just as the Gay Movement needs all the allies it can muster to carry through its goals, gay individuals need all the personal friends they can amass to combat and dissuade prejudice. Nothing is to be gained from spite and divisiveness. Sex is a primary postulate upon which much of the gay personality is constructed, but the gay mentality, like any other human mentality, is fundamentally asexual and entitled to participate in the larger matrix of human thought. Gender, gender-preference, and the cosmology surrounding them are hardly worth shutting out potential close friends, or devaluing the friends of others. Opposite-sex friendship for gays contains all the virture of bona fide Platonism. In short, there is no such thing as a "fag hag". There are only hooter-rooters, and nice people.

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